the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it glows. i had to have it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
