Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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