just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
