After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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