I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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