Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
