not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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