He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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