i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
