I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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