I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
