make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
