If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
