R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
