i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize