Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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