i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
