I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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