ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
