I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
