If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
