im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
