come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
