im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
