is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
