the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
