Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
