I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
