cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I lost the right to judge tonight
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
