hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
