You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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