I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
