You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
