I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize