I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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