But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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