It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
No subtext here. People are naked.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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