Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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