I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
