hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
