He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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