I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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