We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
