come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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