i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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