i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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