Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize