tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
