In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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