She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
