Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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