Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
