Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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