This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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