you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
