What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
