Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
