he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Help me help you realize you are a moron
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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