we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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