hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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