I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
