Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
