listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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