Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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