Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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