How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
