A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
