why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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