If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
