At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
