But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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