He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You left your phone here
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