My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
