i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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