The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
