I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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