He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
