She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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