Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
