I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
