Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
