He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
