wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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