Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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