Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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