just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize