she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
