Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize