i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
