He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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