I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
